Republicans and Democrats Announce Decision to Jointly Dissolve
Breaking news for April 1, 2025
In a stunning development, the Republican and Democratic National Committees have released a joint statement declaring a mutual suspension of operations.
“Since the 1850s, our two parties have dominated American governance. And, while we both have produced leaders who have helped guide our country through critical stages of its development, and we have both made contributions to the American story of which we are rightly proud, we have to acknowledge that our perpetual, all-engulfing conflict is not good for the nation or its people,” the joint declaration stated.
“America has become a nation that is divided in every aspect and on every issue. And the fault lines all run along party lines,” the statement continued. “This has led us to a conclusion we that we have been trying to avoid for years but has finally become inescapable. We, the designated parties of the U.S., are the reason for these divisions. While we both routinely present ourselves to voters as problem-solvers, we can no longer deny that we are far more responsible for making the country’s problems worse than we are for helping to fix them. In fact, we are the problem.”
The GOP and Democrats conceded that, throughout their histories, there have been times when they have each disgraced themselves, but they rejected the idea that their overall failure is the fault of either party individually or both parties or even the structure of American government. “We realize now that as political parties we have multiple, fatal flaws that are common to all parties, whether they operate in a two-party or a multi-party system or within a presidential or a parliamentary structure,” the parties declared.
Among the “fatal flaws” cited by the parties is the imperative they each face to win elections and policy contests. The stakes of these competitions, Democrats and Republicans argued, cause parties to frame them in existential terms, depicting the prospect of the other party winning as if it represents a threat to life, liberty and the future of the nation. Motivating masses of people to vote, donate, volunteer and do all the other things that are necessary to win, the parties said, requires them to portray well-intentioned policy ideas of their opponents as if they were the schemes of cackling villains.
“This tactic may be effective in winning certain elections and policy fights, but every time we resort to it, it adds to the overflowing rage and resentment that we have both been harboring toward each other,” the RNC/DNC statement said. “Even more destructively, we have long since begun to swallow our own propaganda, as individuals who entered politics thinking this way have gradually seized control of our parties through their positions as elected officials, party staff, donors and activists.”
A second fundamental flaw that the parties identified in themselves is that, while they are engrossed in their natural struggle for dominance, they are also jointly tasked with running the federal government, as well as state and local governments, which, together, provide for the welfare of hundreds of millions. Or, as they said in the statement, “we can’t devote anywhere close to our full attention to providing for the well-being of Americans when the realities of partisan politics dictate that we constantly have to work to implement our own party agendas or block those of our opponents, along with maneuvering to capture seats from each other in upcoming election cycles.
Finally, the parties faulted the endless conflict into which they are locked for making it impossible for them to govern for the benefit of all Americans. The need to assemble electoral coalitions, Democrats and Republicans asserted, makes them decide which groups of people they will focus on taking care of and which ones they will disregard.
“Most Americans are good people who just want health, happiness and better lives for themselves and their loved ones,” the parties declared. “Yet, party systems force us to choose which people to serve and which to dismiss, even though almost all of them are genuine stakeholders with legitimate concerns.”
While they accept the main share of responsibility for cultivating our polarized climate, the parties say they have been aided and abetted by accomplices who should know have known better and done better. Their joint statement specifically calls out “journalists, educators, business leaders, and celebrities of all manner,” condemning their “derelict failure” to function as “unity guardrails.”
“We have divided America by the way we have carried on in our all-consuming quest for victory. But, that was actually our job,” the parties argued. “That’s what we did for a living. What’s their excuse?”
Although the parties admit to having solicited the support of folks in these fields, they now maintain that these individuals should have resisted the urge to line up on a side and should have instead remained publicly neutral and objective, thus preserving their status as symbols of national unity. “We needed people who were in those positions to slam the brakes on our pedal-to-the-medal partisanism,” the parties said. “Instead, they jumped in with whichever side they wanted to win and told us to floor it.”
The parties concede that their disappearance will lead to the disappearance of numerous jobs. The RNC and DNC have both pledged that, after their bills and debts are paid off, they will devote their leftover funds to helping provide transition assistance for people who will be displaced by the party shutdowns. The parties are also encouraging their donors to contribute to this cause.
The U.S. parties’ announcement has inspired demonstrations around the globe. Citizens in many other democracies throughout the world have spilled into the streets, demanding that their parties follow the lead of the Americans and dissolve.
Back in the U.S., President Trump voiced his support for the new independence movement, saying that he was “never that interested in the whole Republican-Democrat business anyway.” The Republican party was “a means to an end,” Trump said.
Meanwhile, a Supreme Court spokesperson emphasized that the judiciary is designed to be independent of politics and said that the Court’s ability to conduct its business would not be affected by the radical reshaping of the other two branches of government. “The Constitution doesn’t say anything about political parties,” the spokesperson explained.
Portions of this post have been inspired my book The Anti-Partisan Manifesto: How Parties and Partisanism Divide America and How to Shut Them Down. Buy the book here. For the time being, it is only available digitally. To read, download the Kindle app to your phone, your iPad or tablet, your Kindle device or your computer.
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